Kissing Don'ts : 7 Things That Could Go Wrong

July 19, 2015

The major dating anxieties I experience when I've got a date with a dashing young man are
1. having nothing to talk about and
2. the first kiss anxiety. 

Naturally, I'm not a big talker. I'm one of those amazing people who clam up in the midst of strangers but tend to be a chatter box with friends and family. 
My fear of having nothing to talk about when on a date is not because I don’t have anything to say, but because if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. For those of you who have similar fear of awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour (or heaven forbid, more) with words. 
It’s nothing short of soul sucking torture. 

That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious.
Personally, I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. I'm all for the first school of thought as a bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. 
So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. That doesn't necessarily mean that the first kiss has to happen on the first date though.

I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render a promising new romance DOA. Don’t be an offender.

1. The Ghost Kiss. 
This one just weirds me out. The Ghost Kiss is when the people kiss, but the lips don’t actually touch. It’s the “I’m just going to hover a few millimeters away from your mouth, inhaling your breath” kinda kiss. It's got this annoying teasing element to it,
“I’m moving closer. I’m pulling away. I’m right near your lips. I’m hovering. Inhaling your breath... ”
I'm not sure if it's intended to be romantic in some way or not, but unless you are MADLY in love with the person and the smell of their breath gets you high, it’s just weird.

2. The Dry Peck. 
This is roundly annoying especially if you've been giving him the 'I want your tongue in my throat' kinda look all night. A soft peck might be seen as sweet. A bone dry peck on the lips with tight, dry, rigid lips is about as unsexy as it gets.

3. The Wet Snog
This happened to me one time and I swear it nearly put me off kissing for life! It took me 8 straight hours and multiple teeth brushing to finally swallow some saliva. And you can be sure I put that young man on my 'post' list!
Guys, If a kiss makes a woman’s face wet, something has gone terribly wrong. It's either you are overeager to show “what a great tongue” you have, or you really produce more saliva than you should. Either way, if you can’t kiss without making a huge mess, then I recommend less of the tongue action and some closed mouth kisses.
Thou shalt not lick her face or slobber like a dog.

4. The Accidental Kiss.
This hasn't happened to me and I sincerely hope it doesn't. From all I've heard, it's a rather unfortunate event that could make an already awkward date horrible.
A typical accidental kiss scenario would have your date going in for a kiss on the cheek and you trying to give him your cheek and suddenly you're both going opposite directions and Bam! You're kissing and didn't want to be.
You can avoid this kissing mishap by giving clear spacial signals to your date. If you move face far to the side, it signifies a kiss on the cheek. If you make eye contact and move in dead on, it signifies a kiss on the lips. If she moves away from your dead on approach, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO KISS. If it seems that your are getting mixed signals, just go in for a hug and wait until next time to tackle the kiss. Whatever you do, DON’T ASK IF YOU CAN KISS HER. Women HATE this.

5. The Face Collision. 
This is in the family of the Accidental Kiss, only this smooch is intended. One or both of the people miscalculates the angle and noses collide or you get a jaw in your eye socket or teeth clack together. Whatever face parts manage to get in the way, this kiss is never fun. It can even be painful.

6. The Over-Aggressive Kiss. 
This kiss is just too much for a first kiss. It may include biting, forceful shoving of a tongue down the throat, full tonsil exploration, face eating and slobbering. It’s good to be enthusiastic about a kiss, but this one is beyond enthusiastic. It’s as if you just got out of jail earlier that day, and You’re on a mission to kiss a human woman regardless of whose mouth gets in your way. That's scary.

7. The Bad Tasting Kiss. 
This is a preference thing, but be honest, Who wants to kiss a mouth that tastes awful???
Some of the things that can make a kiss taste really bad or sour are: cigarettes, onions, garlic, tuna fish, stinky cheese, close up toothpaste after two hours, stale milk, red wine and halitosis. The halitosis is not your fault. Please see your dentist for treatment options. The rest of those things, please avoid if you plan to kiss someone for the first time in the next 6-12 hours.

Stay stylish ❤ ❤

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